In what will hopefully become an ongoing series, Marathon a Trois will take a look at famous trios from history, and examine what lessons RO$$, Sam, and Gordon can learn from them.
Turn on ESPN, go on any sports website, or even leave your house just for a minute, and you can't help but be bombarded with handwringing about the most pressing crisis in America right now: What's to be done with the Miami Heat? Struggling to win more games than they lose, what was supposed to be an instant dynasty -- led by superstars LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh -- somehow finds themselves behind the Indiana Pacers in the Eastern Conference standings.
I hear you, readers. "Dammit, RO$$," you're saying, "I thought this was the one place on the Internet where I could enjoy temporary shelter from never-ending Heat blather. How is this even relevant to your marathon at all?" Well, for those of you who (somehow) haven't noticed, the hype for May 15, 2011 is rapidly escalating, and if our three protagonists don't keep their heads, their heroic mission could fly off the rails before it even begins. After all, if such a sure thing as an undefeated season for the Heat can go wrong, anything can.
First, we must examine the personalities at hand. How do RO$$, Sam, and Gordon stack up against LeBron, Wade, and Bosh?
RO$$: The easy parallel here is Wade. Like Wade, RO$$ convinced the other two to come to his town to run and beat some serious ass. But in terms of athletic accomplishment, RO$$ is clearly Bosh -- the wiener nobody likes who parlayed his friendship with two future hall-of-famers into apparent greatness by association. And just like Bosh, he's oblivious to the fact that the public sees right through this facade.
Sam: The parallels to Wade's career immediately jump out: Sam is the oldest member of the group, and his individual Heps crown is analogous to the fact that Wade is the only member of the Heat trio to have won an NBA title. But then you remember that, after RO$$ and Gordon agreed to run Pittsburgh together, Sam insisted on letting the world know of his decision to join them via an ill-conceived television special on some shitty Syracuse local access channel where he infamously declared, "This spring I'm going to take my talents to Steeltown." Oh, and he also has a tattoo that reads "CHOSEN 1" across his back.
Gordon: If RO$$, Sam, and Gordon actually played basketball together, Gordon would be Bosh, since he's so tall. So there's that. But there's also this series of coincidences that just can't be ignored: Like Wade, Gordon married his high school sweetheart, who also happened to be named Siohvaughn. Siohvaughn then gave birth to two beautiful young boys. Their names? Zaire Blessing Gordon Hall and Zion Malachi Airamis Hall. Both Gordon and Wade are now divorced from their respective Siohvaughns. That's downright creepy, man.
So maybe on an individual-to-individual level, the analogy isn't perfect, but the warnings signs provided by the Heat are everywhere. RO$$, Sam, and Gordon can't assume that they're going to show up on race day and break 2:10 together. As Dathan Ritzenhein has shown us time and time again, hype plus the marathon isn't always a winning equation. Luckily, these guys already have excellent chemistry left over from their time at Cornell, so, unlike the Heat, they should be fine as far as teamwork goes. But busting ass in training (which for RO$$ may mean running four times a week) between now and May 15th is of paramount importance.
Also, like his kindred spirit LeBron, it's become clear that Sam runs the risk of allowing Nike to distract him from the true task at hand. As if spending valuable training time designing shoes weren't potentially damaging enough, word on the street is that he (with the help of everyone's pal Lames) is planning a blowout ninety-second TV spot where he'll dress up in a bunch of costumes and feign inner turmoil over his Syracuse TV special. Sam, get your mind correct.
One crucial point worth noting is that the NBA season is young, and there is plenty of time for the Heat to right the ship. An NBA season is a marathon, not a sprint. Similarly, the Pittsburgh Marathon also looks to be a marathon, not a sprint. If the Heat end up solving their problems and cruising to into the playoffs as the East's top seed this spring, then perhaps they will serve as a parable for remaining calm and patient if, during the race's early miles, Gordon keeps stopping for pee breaks, RO$$'s shoes keep coming untied, or Sam finds himself at a complete loss without having a dog to torture at his side. In the meantime, the Heat serve to remind the men of Maraton a Trois to check their egos at the door in the pursuit of eternal greatness as May 15th approaches.
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