Interview with Carrie Richards

Behind every great man stands a great woman. This statement is no less true for the heroes of Marathon a Trois than for Kurt Cobain or Ronnie from Jersey Shore. Carrie Richards is not only the wife of MaT member RO$$, but she is a very accomplished woman in her own right. Currently an oncology nurse, Carrie was also a very good collegiate runner. In a rare sit-down interview with MaT, Carrie reflected upon her running career, the laughs she’s shared with close friends, and why she’s a better judge of character than God.

Marathon a Trois: First off, there's been a lot of confusion of late, especially amongst people who send Christmas cards, about your last name. What's the deal?

Carrie Richards: I haven’t changed my name. Last night I was at dinner with a girl who hasn’t changed her name either for the exact same reason – it’s just really hard. I’ve got a license to change . . . You wouldn’t want to change your name either.

MaT: I suppose not. How does it feel to be married to not only the slowest MaT member, but also the only one who will never be called "Doctor"?

CR: Gordon’s going to be a doctor?

MaT: Yes. Believe it or not, the same guy who can't wash a cereal bowl to save his life is going to be entrusted with the mental health of kids who cut themselves.

CR: You might be a doctor of statistics. It could happen.

MaT: It’s not going to happen.

CR: I don’t care that you’re the slowest. How does it feel to be married to the fastest of all the wives?

MaT: It feels awesome. I’ve always been proud of your running achievements, like that day last week when you finished a twenty-minute run without stopping to walk. Speaking of your running achievements, which one are you most proud of?

CR: Being on the Championship of America 4x8. [The Cornell women’s 4x800m relay team placed third at the 2005 Penn Relays, running 8:35. Carrie didn’t even know what place they got, so obviously she's not that proud of herself.] And I ran 2:07. That’s pretty good. I’m most proud of our relay team getting the Ivy League record.

MaT: Perhaps your most famous race was when you lost the 2005 Heps 1500 final by one thousandth of a second. Do you ever reflect on that race and how things might have gone differently?

CR: Yeah, I do. If I’d thought that I could have won, then maybe I would have, but it was like all of a sudden I was in second place with 100 to go. If I’d gone into the race thinking I could win, then maybe I would have.

MaT: But do you think that maybe not expecting to win allowed you to race relaxed and pressure free?

CR: Yes, but ultimately I think the reason I didn’t win is because I was in bad position and didn’t even see [Hilary Bontz of Columbia, the race's winner] break away, so if I’d been more aggressive I could have been in better position at the end because clearly I had more energy at the end of the race.

MaT: Well we all know that the notion of octogenarian Heps officials being able to break down a finish line shot to a thousandth of a second is bullshit anyway. What a shock that the girl from Columbia [the host team] was deemed the winner. Moving on, do you ever think you'll run a marathon someday?

CR: I think about it, but it’s not looking too good.

MaT: Yeah, they’re okay. You burn 3,000 calories so you get to pig out like crazy afterward, which is probably the best part. Now, you've been fortunate enough to see me in the immediate aftermath of the marathons I've run, as well as the Lidingöloppet. What insight has that given you into the nature of the marathon?

CR: I think that you’re irrationally angry at the end of races. You have a look on your face that’s kind of funny.

MaT: Funny in what way?

CR: Kind of like Napoleon Dynamite.

MaT: Thank you for that forced bit of comic relief. I’m sure our readers will piss themselves laughing at that one.

CR: Well you do act like that. I could do an impression of it but I can’t describe it.

MaT: Yeah, yeah. You and your famous impressions. It’s a wonder you aren’t a Saturday Night Live cast member by now. As long as this interview is going to head in a frosty direction, remember when you said the most fun night you ever had was when you went to a bar with Sam, Gordon, and Sarah Fischer, even though we'd been dating for quite a while at that point?

CR: We didn’t go to a bar. We had a couple of really fun nights. There were two.

MaT: Wow! Two! It’s amazing what can happen when you don’t hang out with me! What did you fun guys do that was so fun?

CR: Just laughed and laughed and laughed.

MaT: At my expense, no doubt.

CR: And we got ice cream and I was drunk and I got them apple pie with mocha chip ice cream on top.

MaT: Well, with hilarity like that I can certainly see how it was the most fun night of your life. Had I been there, I definitely would have been a wet blanket.

CR: Our wedding was fun.

MaT: Whatever. Speaking of weddings, why are you blowing off Gordon and Molly’s wedding?

CR: I am very sad that I will not be attending Gordon and Molly’s wedding. I may regret it in the future, but I’m better friends with Sarah Coseo. I think you’ll miss me at the wedding.

MaT: A few months ago I would have said no way to that, but now that my backup date, Oliver, has fallen for that blond kuntazi, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Let’s move on to some Pittsburgh questions since that’s where the big race will be taking place. First off, how have you fared in the aftermath of the tragic Super Bowl loss?

CR: I was over it about fifteen minutes after we lost. I was taking care of cancer patients during the game, which added a great deal of perspective.

MaT: But weren’t you disappointed for your beloved Big Ben?

CR: I’ve always hated him. I’m a really good judge of character. Remember when he said “God is good” after the AFC championship game?

MaT: Well, after what happened at the Super Bowl, Ben and I agreed to temporarily downgrade God to “okay.” What’s your favorite thing about Pittsburgh?

CR: I like walking between neighborhoods and I like the old houses, and there are good restaurants. I also like the flowering trees in springtime.

MaT: Funny how the networks always opt to show montages of grizzled men pouring molten steel before Steelers games rather than all the flowering trees of springtime. Maybe you can help change this city’s sooty reputation. But before getting to work on that, we’re going to through my famous Pivot questionnaire, which all of my interview subjects have dutifully answered for the last twenty-seven years. Are you ready?

CR: I don’t know. How’s it work?

MaT: You shut up and my answer my questions.

CR: Fuck you.

At this point in the interview it became clear that Carrie was getting a little too sassy, so I got up and backhanded her. She quickly fell into line.

MaT: What is the funniest thing you’ve ever said?

CR: Hmm . . . When I saw that Scout [Carrie’s brother Matt’s dog] had pooped in my parents’ living room, Matt said, “Did you catch her in the act?” I said no, but that I was pretty sure it was Scout, and then everyone laughed.

MaT: Delightful. What’s the best Harrison Ford movie?

CR: The Empire Strikes Back.

MaT: And the worst Harrison Ford movie?

CR: Frantic, or The House on Carroll Street. I remember renting that as a kid because he was in it, and it sucked. [Carrie checks to see if Harrison Ford was actually in The House on Carroll Street.] Okay, he wasn’t in it. Kelly McGillis was. I rented that because she was in Witness with Harrison Ford. So my answer is Frantic.

MaT: What would your name be if you were an African-American?

CR: It would be . . . It’s more fun to think of a man’s name. If I were an African-American man my name would be Demarcus Washington.

MaT: I think we have a new candidate for the funniest thing you’ve ever said. Favorite condiment?

CR: Aioli, a garlic aioli.

MaT: What's your favorite thing about me?

CR: You’re funny.

MaT: Thank you, Carrie. You truly are the landlord of the four-chamber lounge I call my heart. And on behalf of the blog’s readers, thank you for being so generous with your time. Before we part, do you have anything that you’d like to say to all of our readers in the Middle East who are living through an extremely tumultuous time and are fighting for their freedom?

CR: I don’t think they’re concerned with the blog at all. I think you’re delusional.

MaT: How inspiring.

Week 15 Recap

RO$$: S(0), M(9), T(8), W(0), R(8), F(8), S(8). 41 miles total. This week I pretty much was going through the motions, which I suppose is to be expected since I both hit 60 miles and ran seven days in one week for the first time in like four years. I'll be completely honest -- I'm not really enjoying this "training" process. I'm tired of coming home every day and running for an hour or whatever by myself in the dark; it's getting old. It seems like all I'm doing is assuring that I'll break three hours, but nothing more. That prospect doesn't exactly excite me, but I sure as hell don't want to work any harder, hence my frustration. I'm still really looking forward to the marathon itself, I just wish it were closer than two-and-a-half months away.

This week, once again, there are no Penguins home games, so I may try to hit 60 again. We'll see. I'm hoping that tomorrow I can do a long run, but the trails around here were still covered in snow today, and I highly doubt I'll suck it up and run for two hours around the city, so I'm not feeling too optimistic about that one. Until next week!

Broken Promise Man: S(20), M(6), T(8 w/ 35 minutes cut down from race pace), W(6), R(14 w/ Jerry Smith fartlek work for about an hour), F(6), S(7). Total mileage=67. Yes, I broke my promise of running 70 miles this week, but there really wasn't room to push for those extra miles considering I really enjoyed/needed my short, easy days. Thursday's workout was intense but good for me. I figure I can handle probably Jerry (who coaches the Syracuse Track Club) for once a week without getting broken. The pace work on Tuesday was a mental challenge being on a treadmill, but it felt OK. This coming week might be down a bit since there's the Tipp Hill Shamrock 4M on Saturday. I'm planning to run that hard and let the chips fall where they may with the half. I would echo Ross's comments with training, though I blame it mostly on the long winter. Speaking of hockey, I saw my annual Syracuse Crunch game tonight. They lost to Hamilton 3-2. Nate Guenin spent the last two minutes in the penalty box for slashing.

Gordon: S(16) M(5) T(3) W(10) R(10) F(10) S(6) 60 miles total. I, honestly, felt that I had to have a 60 mile week here. I, also, had the week off. So, it would have been pretty pathetic to have not made it. All things being equal, having more time did not make it any easier to run. Molly had an interview at Penn State. So, we were traveling from New York to my parents place to State College. This meant that while I was in State College I was running with a watch rather than running a familiar loop. A lot more boring than running a trail or a loop. The first run in State College was pretty fun, thinking about being on campus and living there next year, but after that I was just running on the side of a road, getting my feet wet in slushy snow, and hating every car that passed me by.

I, also, hate winter, miss the sunlight and am looking forward to the days when I can stop counting my mileage again.

Any Given Sunday

...Actually I should say this coming Sunday. Two weeks until the half and eleven until the full. That really doesn't sound like much.

The Quest for the Treasure Hunt Medallion

Every year during Winterfest the Syracuse Post-Standard, our local paper, hides the Treasure Hunt Medallion "somewhere in Onondaga County." Considering that the medallion is a 1.5 inch wide piece of plastic, this doesn't narrow things down too much. On top of that, with all of the other fun Winterfest activities going on (like the lovely Martini mix-off and culinary cruise last Saturday with Claire and Adam), you might think I'm above looking for it.

The treasure hunt medallion sports a cocky looking snow man who is just daring you to get in his grill.

Well, you're wrong. For one, there's $2,000 on the line if you find it. Second, it's a freakin' treasure hunt. Come on, how fun is that?

Thankfully, our esteemed paper provides a daily clue each day of Winterfest. They slide it in somewhere below the Alexander and Catalano ad and, mercifully, they list a compilation of the days' clues on their website Syracuse.com. The first few clues are about as helpful as an accordion would be during a fox hunt ("Hey fiddle dee dum and fiddle dee duss / We hid our medallion somewhere in a hundred mile radius). However, as you get on in days, the clues become increasingly specific, until you're out there looking for the stupid thing in the woods, where no normal person would hear you scream, with a bunch of angry-looking strangers who are probably packing heat. They all need the medallion waaaaay more than you do, because Maria just lost her job at the Serv-Mart and Kenny's taken off work the past nine Winterfests to hunt this @#$%& down to no avail.

There's just something about the clues' bastardized iambic tetrameter that gets me excited to hunt treasure. Sure, the rhyme scheme reads like it's been forced bound and gagged into the trunk of a Kia Spectra, but you have to give the Post-Standard points for trying.

For all of you keeping score at home, here were the first five clues. If you're from Syracuse, please consider all of the places that would fit this "description."

Clue No. 1
Friday, Feb. 18
You can search on your own,
You can go with a group.
When you find our medallion,
You'll holler and whoop.

(Whooping cranes? Carrier Dome? Whoopi Goldberg? Why use such an esoteric verb if it doesn't mean anything?)

Clue No. 2
Saturday, Feb. 19
Strap on some snowshoes,
Some boots or some skis.
You won't get too far
If you're not wearing these.

(OK, sure. The medallion hunter has to get through some snow to find it. It's probably in a park somewhere.)

Clue No. 3
Sunday, Feb. 20
Park your car with the others,
In a place just for them.
Make following the rules
Your main stratagem.

(Cool, a parking lot. That narrows it down to like 50,000 places. Clue three was a step backwards if you ask me.)

Clue No. 4
Monday, Feb. 21
The place where it's hidden
Requires some walking.
Just where, we can't say,
Because we're not talking.

(Stupidest clue yet. The Post-Standard writers truly are rapscallions.)

Clue No. 5
Tuesday, Feb. 22
A place where some picnic
And paddle and play.
That's the general location,
Start looking today.

(Reinforces clue 2.)

Enter our hero. I credit experimental discord at work and my keen detective mind for getting me out to Green Lakes yesterday. I had gone to bed early Tuesday night with the plan of getting up at 4:30 am to check Syracuse.com for the specific location. At 8, I read the following:

Clue No. 6
Wednesday, Feb. 23
Past a place where a tray's
For food not at all;
Where what goes in the basket
Isn't a ball.

Disc golf! Of course! By noon, I had summoned the motivation to get over to Green Lakes State Park. An easy romp through the snow with Charley struck me as the perfect foil to my recent long and tempo run escapades.

Hordes of treasure hunters arrive at Green Lakes to seek the Treasure Hunt Medallion.

Dog in tow, we started with a quick pass through the disc golf course. They weren't kidding about snow shoes; sharp, icy snow sneaked its way into my running shoes with each step.

Once Charley was satisfied that "Past" truly meant "Past", we walked up the hill to the campgrounds. We probably spent an hour or so up there poking through trash and marking trees with our fragrant urine. Every time I saw a sign with "rules," I was careful to dig out the snow from around the sign base with my freezing wet gloved hands. Thanks for the frostbite, Post-Standard! Just in case anyone got the same idea as us, Charley was careful to mark the signs, too. He laid down a solid after searching one particularly enticing hiding spot. But alas, we didn't find the medallion. Before too long, we were headed back to the beach area.

The lonely road back from the campgrounds. This was one of the only times during the hunt that I didn't see at least one other group of people nearby.

"Look, you've got to trust me on this. I smell something in this trash can. Sure, it may be dog poop wrapped in a plastic bag, but are you willing to take that chance with 2,000 cannolis on the line?"


"The geese! They ate the medallion! Let's go tear open their gizzards and find it!"

"Why don't I take a piss on this tree so we'll know we already checked here?"

Charley and I eventually left Green Lakes empty-handed aside from the six miles of easy running (By the way, I now need to average 10 over the next three days to hit 70...yikes!). Neither of us could bear to look Natalie in the eye when we got home. We were just another couple of treasure-hunting deadbeats. I went to bed last night with the salable medallion snowman ripe in my mind. This resulted in a series of horrid nightmares of him strangling me with his scarf. Yet, somehow, I knew we had been close. Somehow, I survived the night, and morning came once more.

Clue No. 7
Thursday, Feb. 24
Near a tiny community,
Where nobody lives.
We hope this clue's helpful,
That's all we can give.

(Is it really all you can give, Post-Standard? Because I already combed over the campgrounds like I was searching for a dead body of a beloved family member. Thanks for nothing.)

I sipped my morning coffee like a man who had been to hell and back, staring at the computer screen. It had to be Green Lakes. Resolved to push through a day at work, blogging about the treasure hunt medallion instead of actually looking for it, I reasoned with myself: A more specific clue would come tomorrow. Then, I would be able to narrow the search and claim glory. I began to steel myself for a 4:30 am Friday wake-up.

Then this at 9 am:

"The Post-Standard's Treasure Hunt medallion has been found. 16-year-old Olivia Chopskie of East Syracuse found the 1.5-inch plastic medallion hanging from a tree in the Pine Woods camping area of Green Lakes State Park at about 7:45 a.m. today.

Since Olivia's parents subscribe to The Post-Standard, she wins $2,000."

The quest had come to an end. I send my sincere congratulations to Olivia Chopskie. She probably put her hand in dog crap, so she deserves the money.

The 70 Mile Promise

Today, in honor of my first 20, I'm committing to a 70 mile week this week. Really, with the long run out of the way, another 50 in six days doesn't sound too bad. Today's run was actually 20.3 miles in 2:21 or about 6:57 per mile.

I would also like to post this motivational music video. This has to be my favorite song performed by Scottish twins.

Week 14 Recap

RO$$: S(8), M(8), T(9), W(7), R(10), F(8), S(10).

Prior to the 1981-82 NHL season, only two players had achieved the incredible feat of scoring fifty goals in fifty games -- Maurice Richard in 1944-45, and Mike Bossy in 1980-81. But in 1981, Wayne Gretzky, the greatest hockey player of all time, blew through the 50-in-50 mark in an inconceivable fashion.

After 37 games, Gretzky had 41 goals, so he was well on his way to both getting 50 in 50, and becoming the first player to do it in less than fifty games. In his 38th game, he scored four goals, bringing him to 45 total, and reducing 50-in-50 to a mere formality. But what Gretzky did in his 39th game resulted in a mark that surely will never be equaled, the greatest of all of the Great One's records . . . .

Gretzky not only scored 50 goals in less than 50 games, but he skipped the forties entirely. Unbelievable.

In a similar feat of paradigm-shifting athletic greatness, this week I ran 60 miles. My previous weekly high since MaT's inception was 46 miles, which means I skipped the fifties, making a leap that many would have dismissed in an earlier era.

Wayne Gretzky was my favorite athlete as a child; I've owned four of his jerseys over the course of my lifetime. This week was my tribute to him, and I am now one step closer to my goal of finishing within thirty-five minutes of Jeff completing his half marathon, going home, showering, having a satisfying post-race dinner, finding some sorority chicks, and then partying with them through the next day's dawn.

Sam: While it's tempting to post my weekly running above Ro$$'$ due to his verbose weekly recap, I'll keep with MaT tradition and post in the order in which we check in. After all, Ross deserves to be on top with his 60 mile week, and you must respect The Gretz. I, on the other hand, had a weak week. Friday was a tease 50 degrees, and today it's right back to the snowy bluster we're all accustomed to. Thankfully, I spent most of today sampling martinis and food samples at bars and restaurants downtown for Winterfest. S(cherry picker for 12 hours), M(6), T(8), W(0), R(7), F(10), S(8) = a lowly 39 miles. There were days when I was running pretty quickly, but it's tough to recover volume-wise from two days off. The good news is that I should be fresh as daisies for my first 20 miler tomorrow. We may have the first 70-mile menage a t'week on our hands.

GORDON: S(9) M(5) T(8) W(0) R(5) F(8) S(9) 44 miles total. It was a good week for getting runs of more than 5 in which I think has been harder to do. I have gotten back into the swing of biking 50 miles each week (5 miles to and from work). The past two weeks the biking was really wearing me out, and I was feeling really fatigued on my runs afterwards, but I'm back to the point where the biking has little impact on how I feel during my runs.
I, myself, have the week off this coming week and I have no plans which bodes well for my running life, and bodes poorly for my social life. But, Molly's got an interview at PSU next weekend. So, we'll be there and I'll have nothing but free time for runs and heavy shitfaced drinking.

25 Days Until Celebrate Life

I realized today that our half marathon is coming up faster than some may think. As the temperatures slowly warm (it's a balmy 30 degrees outside right now), I can't help but get excited for our first test of marathon manhood on this journey to hell and back.

At this point, I wanted to check to make sure that everyone is registered. I haven't spoken with Jeff about it, but now is the time to sign up if you're interested. As I said before, I've got a double bed room lined up, so unless things change, it's looking like we'll have a three-way on our hands in Rock Hill.

Last year's winner was 1:18:30, for a pace of 5:59. Do you guys think it's realistic to attempt this kind of performance or should we keep it in our pants?

Smayda

I don't know if I'll ever actually step on a track and race an 800 again. In the first year following graduation I was happy to look out the window, watch the rain come pouring down, and decide that I wasn't going to go for a run that day. But, not running, lost its charms pretty quickly.

By the 1-year-after-graduation mark, I was ready to run each day, even if it was raining, and, for that, I was proud of myself. I, also, felt like there had been more to my running career if I'd put in a few more years. Maybe I still could break 1:50.

So, I started talking to Will, and he designed some workouts. After work I would go down to Franklin Field and run them on the track during the open hours. On my spring break of that year I came to NYC to visit Molly and I ran some workouts with Will in Williamsburg. I felt fit.

Finally, Will convinced me to run a track meet. So, I went to the Icahn Stadium on (Randall's Island?) somewhere in NYC, and I entered the open 400.

Somehow, in the two years I'd been away from a track meet I forgot that I'm terrified of competing, and that I also hate losing. In the hours leading up to the 400 m I was awash in fear. When it came time to warm up I barely spoke, and during my stretches I stared into space. I think I ran 52. something, but I don't remember exactly what it was. What I do remember is that I was furious with all of the chumps who thought they were better than me. If I'd had the time I could have trained up and squashed their puny 400 m dreams. As it was they walked away from this meet easily defeating the tall skinny oldman who seemed to glower at them while shaking their hand after the race.

That was three years ago and that was the last track race I've run in my life. I've thought about entering again here and there, but I hate the idea that someone I used to beat (Someone I am BETTER than) would be able to take me down.

Will sent met his video this morning. I don't know if I will run a track meet ever again, but this is certainly inspiring (envy).

Watch more video of 2011 BU Valentine Invitational on flotrack.org

Week 13 Recap

RO$$: S(8), M(8), T(0), W(8), R(0), F(9), S(8). 41 miles total. Pretty good for a week where I didn't have any real goals, just wanted to grind out five runs. I've started to pick it up at various points if I feel good during runs, which shows some progress, but if I go uphill or have to stop at all (because of traffic or something), I lose all momentum, so I've got a ways to go. This week the Pens don't have any home games, so I'm hoping that maybe I'll be able to get to 50. If I were feeling truly ambitious, I'd say I'm going to run all seven days, but I can't guarantee anything that crazy.

GORDON: S(10) M(5) T(8) W(5) R(5) F(5) S(12). 50 miles total. I had had bigger plans for mileage this week, but I was overcome with exhaustion. In the past two weeks prior to this week I have had to cut out my biking to and from work owing to the snow. I started it up again this week, and I think it completely wore me out. This week and next week are both easy weeks for me in terms of work load. I'm also incredibly pumped up now that I've been admitted to Penn State's doctoral program.

Sam: What a weekend. Some of you might have read that we lost a 12 foot chunk of gutter (plus fascia board + part of the soffit + a big ass 2x4) off the side of our house as a result of ice dams. The claim that I was going to rent a boom lift to fix it was not fiction. I will post a video of the repair process when I catch up on all the things I put to the side during the project--running included. A great start to my first 70 mile MaT week was alas wasted, as was Sunday of this week. At least it was good cross-training. Also, congratulations to Gordon! S(9, slick 5k race in 16:42), M(6), T(8), W(18 with 4 mile pickup), R(0), F(3), S(0). 44 miles total.

PSU

#1 Party School Here I Come

Lunchtime Frolicking

The secret is out. Marathon success isn't a result of high mileage, time spent on your feet on a Sunday morning, dancing in clubs on a Friday night, your tempo pace, your diet, or blogging (or not blogging) about your progress in training. Success, like the mighty phoenix, rises from the ashes of pure misery, when the bleakest hour is upon us, and we're not so sure we'll be able to stick it out to see tomorrow.

Ladies and gentlemen, I draw your attention to this year's snowfall in Syracuse, New York: 132.4 glorious inches of frozen hell.

We've amassed enough snow here in Syracuse to nearly eclipse Rochester and Binghamton combined, so for all you shitheads that thought winter in Ithaca was horrible, you haven't seen anything like the Orange Tundra. I've literally lost the ability to produce viable sperm as a result of the repeated freeze/thaw cycles endured by my man candy.

But I digress. The wonder of offspring is nothing compared to the splendor of crossing the finish line in Pittsburgh. I don't know how many days I've taken off this winter, but I can tell you it's less than the number I took off over various two-week spans last summer. I thrive on misery. Like my father always said, what doesn't cause your testicular tissue to form ice crystals makes you faster.

This afternoon, I'm going to try to squeeze in an 18-miler before grand rounds. It's currently 14 degrees outside. The roads are lined with about three inches of slush, so I'm expecting my socks to be wet pretty much before I step out the door. I'm going to eat ribs from Dinosaur Barbeque for lunch so that I have to shit the entire time that I'm running. I've also purchased a set of anal beads to force me to maintain an upright posture the entire time that I'm out there. If this doesn't spell success, I don't know what does.

I have to be honest, though. The winter isn't all about victory here in Syracuse. I bring you the latest updates on our home in progress in the form of verse:

As Nat donned her kerchief and I donned my cap,
We heard a crash from above that made me say, "Crap."
I sprang from the couch to see 'twas the matter,
And low and behold, a fucking ice dam had pulled down a twelve foot run of gutter and fascia board out of the side of our fucking house.

Sunday is supposed to be 37 degrees. I may end up renting a cherry picker to fix things up this weekend. If I do, I'll be sure to jump off of it a few times to get ready for the marathon.

RO$$'s Guide to Half-Assing a Marathon

This whole Marathon a Trois venture humbly started out as a fun idea amongst three good friends. But ever since this blog got going and saw its readership explode like an Appalachian meth lab, the public has been clamoring to see our three heroes race to the death rather than hold hands as they cross the finish line.

Early oddsmakers (Oliver) have pegged Sam as the favorite, with Gordon being second. Yours truly is expected to stagger across the line in dead last, desperately trying to out-jog a herd of obese women while mucus pours from my nose and shit runs down my legs.

For many reasons, this makes total sense. Sam ran as much in his off week as I did in my biggest week in four-and-a-half years. And, as was noted in my Miami Heat post, if you ranked the three of us by what we accomplished in college, it would look something like this: 1) Sam, 1A) Gordon, 58) Me. But everyone's overlooking one crucial factor -- this isn't my first trip to the Running a Marathon While in Mediocre Shape rodeo. Running a marathon isn't the same as running a 5k, as evidenced by Meb winning a silver medal in the Olympics and the New York marathon even though his PR is slower than Paula Radcliffe's. Sam and Gordon may have better PRs than me at every collegiate distance, but I've got guile, baby.

But, the mensch that I am, I can't resist the urge to share my secrets with the rest of the world. So here are my three keys to half-assing a marathon.

1. Don't ahead of yourself in the first half of the race

I don't know what it's like to run a marathon when you're in good shape, but I can tell you that when you're in mediocre shape, if you feel tired at any point in the first half of the race, you are going too fast. This sounds obvious, but the adrenaline will be flowing and the course will be flat in the early miles, so 6:45 pace will feel as easy as 7:45 pace does on your normal runs. When that happens, you might feel like you're having a once-in-a-lifetime day, and you might think you can tough through the pain of the second half because you've spent your life doing the same at shorter distances, but if you're relying on toughness to get you through any stage of the race prior to mile 20, you're doomed. Trust me on this one.

(An important caveat to this rule: If you always run, say, 7:10 pace on your normal runs, and you feel kind of crappy running that fast in the actual race, just suck it up and gut it out. Running 7:30 pace might sound like a good idea, but the slower you run, the more time you're going to spend on your feet. If you're half-assing a marathon, running for more than three hours is probably going to suck no matter what, so in this particular scenario you might as well run your regular pace and try to get it over with, because the race will end badly regardless of how it plays out.)

2. Focus on running efficiently

At shorter distances, having an efficient stride isn't something you need to actively worry about. Just run a lot of miles, and over time your efficiency will naturally improve. (Watch any high school meet, even one with elites, and this statement becomes obvious.) Plus, if you're running an 800, running efficiently doesn't matter that much. But when you're half-assing a marathon, you need to save every ounce of energy that you can. I try to constantly monitor my stride throughout the race. Where are my arms? How are my feet striking the ground? Am I maintaining an upright posture? Thinking like this also gives me something to think about other than how many miles I have left to run. Anything's better than that.

3. Acclimate yourself to running while you feel like dogshit

This is crucial. Going out and doing a bunch of seven mile runs when you feel fresh as a daisy is all but useless; it has nothing in common with the third hour of a marathon. But deliberately running only the hilliest routes possible isn't very fun, so, outside of doing that or running two hours a day (i.e., training properly), how should one prepare for the fatigue that will inevitably set in at some point past the 25k mark? The key is to make feeling like crap as natural a component of your training as lacing up your shoes.

When "training" for my two most recent marathons, I was running to and from work three or four times a week, four miles each way. Every time I ran home it was my second run of the day, and the route was largely uphill. Those runs sucked. But when I ran the Pittsburgh Marathon in 2009, it wasn't until mile seventeen that I felt as shitty as I did every time I ran home. Realizing that gave me a huge mental boost at a key point in the race (the "I can't believe I still have to run ten more miles" point).

I no longer run to and from work, but this year I'm doing a good job of making sure all my runs start around 7:00 pm after a full day of work, and that I always run alone. I also try to run exclusively on frozen snow/ice when the opportunity affords itself. Come race day, running on flat, even terrain in the daylight with two friends is going to feel like walking.

My guess is that Gordon is doing a great job of keeping the misery ratio as high as possible for his runs, but, despite the fact that he lives in Syracuse, I worry that too many of Sam's run are of the "Hey, friends, let's take a long lunch and go frolicking together!" variety.

UD Revisited

I wanted to post an update on the UD track and XC situation. Jeff Pearlman, an alum who works for SI now has been following the situation closely and posted this video footage on his blog:

http://www.jeffpearlman.com/blog/

If you're angered about what now seems to be a nationwide trend of killing these programs, please send a quick email to this jerk:

Bernard M. Muir, Director of Athletics & Recreation Services (302)-831-4006

athletics-dir@udel.edu

Super Couch Potato 5k

The race took place at Onondaga Lake Park. With the paved footpath set about 100 meters back from the lake, this out and back was as flat as a course gets. The only thing slowing things down today was the hideous buildup of ice and slush that covered 90% of the path. It was not a fast day traction-wise.

I felt fine and probably put in a big negative split after going into a headwind for the first half. However, today, it was not to be. I took second with a 16:42 as first place finisher Greg Stowell pulled away slightly around two miles, and I couldn't get the grip to cover at the end. So it goes.

Natalie didn't race, instead taking a third day off for a nagging case of plantar fasciitis.

Results here.

Heipsh

Now that it's almost upon us, I was wondering who's going to be at the Heipsh this year. Natalie and I are still toying with the idea of going down, either by bus (WiFi bonus and no-hassle bonus) or car. We'd probably go down Friday afternoon and come back as late as possible on Sunday since the mens' 3k is at 5-something.

All interested blog followers please reply.

PS - Will pointed out Jeff Moriarty's 2:20 1000 from this weekend. Sick.

Hey Ross...

...at least you're not Oliver.

Week 12 Recap

$am: S(9), M(6), T(8), W(45 minutes swimming laps), R(10), F(6), S(6). 45 miles total. A rest week for me, but I have started incorporating about 3 minutes of random non-running exercise per day. Scissor kick lunges for 60 seconds straight on Monday took a big toll on my butt muscles. Tomorrow, don't forget the biggest sporting event of the winter. No, it's not the Super Bowl; it's the Super Couch Potato 5k at Onondaga Lake Park. Stay tuned for results.

RO$$: S(5), M(8), T(8), W(0), R(10), F(5), S(10). 46 miles total. It's a somber day here at MaT World Headquarters, despite the fact that I pulled off a miraculous upset and ran more miles than Sam this week. Evgeni Malkin just blew out his knee, effectively eliminating the possibility of the Penguins winning the Stanley Cup. Tomorrow, the Steelers are going to lose the Super Bowl. After the Steelers won the AFC Championship game two weeks ago, I marvelled at my good fortune as a sports fan, and wondered when this incredible five-year ride would end. Now we have our answer. I know I'm being melodramatic, but I'm going to remember this awful weekend for the rest of my life.

Gordon: S(7), M(7), T(8), W(8), R(0), F(0), S(5) 35 miles total. Looks like Ross swept the field here. Traveling to State College Thursday night, and back to NYC on Friday night really took it out of me. I set out on a 10 mile run on Saturday but was too tired/lazy and packed it in for a 5 miler. No more traveling this week - more running.