The Official Oliver Tassinari 800 Bet

For months, people have been talking. Rumors have been circulating. Odds-makers have been pulling out their hair with the spectrum of possibilities starting with the essential "will they or won't they" question.

To clarify, I'm not talking about the Pittsburgh Marathon or our fast-approaching half this Sunday. I'm talking about Oliver and his race against cardiovascular disease -- Oliver and his epic quest to return to what once was or might have been in some universe deep in his dream of dreams.

This summer, Oliver will run an 800, chasing the ghost of his former or future self. The terms, stakes, and stake-holders have been vigorously debated, but rest assured there will be plenty of money and a healthy dose of pride on the line. Winds from Singapore have brought news that the Far East has gotten our hero off to a promising start. Oliver has been enjoying a steady diet of tiger blood, sleeping 10-12 hours per day for 20-30 seconds at a time, and mastering the tantric art of Gaiam sex yoga.

Today, my goal is to finalize the details. We've asked for input already from the esteemed Rojo and JK, and they are feverishly working toward that end. Please feel free to give your thoughts so that we can get this finished up and shipped off to legal.

Also, thank you to John Roberts who passed along this inspirational tale.

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The event: 800 meters

The date: TBD, though the June 11 New Balance Meet in Boston, Mass has been thrown out there.

The backstory on the terms and stakes:

Alright Will,

I'm in on this bet... but you have always been in on it. So, in order to keep me excited about it, I thought it might be a good idea to change up the stakes. By the way, what were the original stakes? $100? If that is the case, I'm happy to pay it - just a drop in the bucket my friend. But how bout this, if I win the bet, I buy you dinner and you get drunk with me. And not a couple sips of a wine cooler... no no. You go out with me on the town in Boston and get filthy, stinkin, drunk. I'll pay for all the drinks, you owe me no money.

What do you say friend?

OT out

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Haha - I think I'd be more comfortable sticking with the 100 bucks.

It's still 2:08 right?

Will

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I like where this is going, but I think we have some discord when it comes to the incentive structure for this contract. Oliver is clearly not motivated to get his fat ass off the couch for a measly $100. Will, true to history, is understandably reluctant to put an end to his irrational sobriety streak just because Oliver ran a time that wouldn't guarantee a spot in the girls' Heps final some years. Therefore, I think we should make a few tweaks and up the financial ante in spots. You will notice that the contract is performance-based.

Anything above 2:08.00: Oliver pays will $1000. Oliver takes Will out to fancy restaurant of Will's choosing. Will gets to punch Oliver in the stomach when he's not expecting it. (Note: if Oliver fails to break 2:15.00, he must get a 1 inch by 1 inch tattoo of Will's choosing in a place of Oliver's choosing.)
2:06.00-2:07.99: Will pays Oliver $100.
2:04.00-2:05.99: Will pays Oliver $200. Will takes Oliver out to fancy restaurant of Oliver's choosing.
2:02.00-2:03.99: Will pays Oliver $300. Will takes Oliver out to fancy restaurant of Oliver's choosing. Will has choice of drinking one half of one alcoholic beverage or getting punched in the stomach when he's not expecting it.
2:00.00-2:01.99: Will pays Oliver $500. Will takes Oliver out to fancy restaurant of Oliver's choosing. Will has choice of drinking five alcoholic beverages or getting a 1 inch by 1 inch tattoo of Oliver's choosing in a place of Will's choosing.
Sub-2:00.00: Will pays Oliver $1000. Will takes Oliver and up to five friends of Oliver's choosing out to fancy restaurant of Oliver's choosing. Will has choice of drinking ten alcoholic beverages or getting a 2 inch by 2 inch tattoo of Oliver's choosing in a place of Oliver's choosing.

Sam

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For the record, I'm happy to join in as a stake-holder in this bet if we want to add complexity or remove financial burdens from Will. It may also be fair to give Will some element of control i.e. Oliver must finish within so many seconds of Will to claim victory.

At any rate, I'm anxious to hear your thoughts.